we don’t even know the lessons we’re waiting for
we know these ideas: detachment, being the witness, being present, surrender, acceptance...
these are things forced hard upon us on trip like this
but we don’t embark on a trip fully aware that that is what we are going to learn
and we don’t even decide to have an experience for the sole purpose of learning these things
deep down, maybe we are driven to do this in order to learn those lessons
we find out that is what we are learning while it’s happening
rarely do we seek experiences to learn these things
but that is how we learn them, is through experiences
many times, our experiences teach us things we aren’t aware of: serenity of nature, perseverance,
like a child is guided by his parent to learn certain things, our actions are guided by something in order for us to learn certain things.
have i fallen into these lessons? Who is guiding me? Can i become conscious of my direction? Choose my path consciously?
like someone is saying “what is wrong with you? Why haven’t you learned anything?” “Go! Have this gnarly experience to breakdown your wall of shit blocking your vision.”
so, you feel better. You think you’ve learned something. You’ve made it. Then, another layer peels away...